tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post529889560735301354..comments2023-03-25T13:17:51.322+00:00Comments on back to the machine gun: Poplarsback to the machine gunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07636026708208373064noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post-9513824391922670752008-10-26T17:14:00.000+00:002008-10-26T17:14:00.000+00:00Digging now more than then:"peace only when eyes a...Digging now more than then:<BR/><BR/>"peace only when eyes are closed<BR/>carved in the belly<BR/>a seat"<BR/><BR/>Sometimes ponder "curved" instead.<BR/><BR/>Would like to see the original "i did this/that" draft.MALALEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04563118805586951514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post-28728993215418965602007-01-12T19:12:00.000+00:002007-01-12T19:12:00.000+00:00Agree with removing 'all' and 'mineral-rich'
i do...Agree with removing 'all' and 'mineral-rich'<br /><br />i don't like them - that stanza has been causing me problems.<br /><br />The poem started life as an 'I did this, thought that' etc - then I took myself out except for one whispered bit )hence the brackets) - humans there as a man / nature development / evolution - emphasised by thoughts of fossilization - trying to get across that humans are also organic creations that will eventually all decompose into soil. It's about the trees making you feel part of everything around and beneath.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post-84920662350099923222007-01-12T12:25:00.000+00:002007-01-12T12:25:00.000+00:00Like the idea of wind sat for a minute in tree, an...Like the idea of wind sat for a minute in tree, and then it --swoosh-very Real<br />- Concern for 'all' in 'all secretive&close . .' - all can deceptively deflate things now and again <br />- Concern with 'mineral-rich' soil, this distracts somewhat ?<br />- Otherwise a good progression of concrete image&feel<br />- Wonder about the need to narrate and include humans ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post-17880811991147317692007-01-04T14:08:00.000+00:002007-01-04T14:08:00.000+00:00Yes. Agreed - traditionalist subject matter. I wro...Yes. Agreed - traditionalist subject matter. I wrote it in Olia's garden in Ukraine, many poplars, wind, ravens - it all fell in the notebook.<br /><br />Know what you mean about poetics. I edited this from the original version last week, taking 'I' out of it everywhere bar the bit with the teacher. I think I shall remove 'to her or others' and leave it at either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788648569153883152.post-60336728686146183042007-01-03T17:03:00.000+00:002007-01-03T17:03:00.000+00:00mr h i'm impressed by this. i think it's fair to s...mr h i'm impressed by this. i think it's fair to say an old fashioned subject but approached well. <br /><br />i think probably because of this you could do with underplaying the melodrama a little in section 2 and the line 'her and others' 'i won't talk either<br />to her'<br />says less, overtly.<br /><br />and its just the phrasing in section two seems a bit too 'poetic' and i don't think it needs it. although 'embers glowing in the iris' is lovely.k.p.mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05883927761021274898noreply@blogger.com